


Doesn't My Past (Not) Define Me

by Very_Anxious_Bean



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Human, Background Logic | Logan Sanders, Background Thomas Sanders, Former Dark Side Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, It's Just Wine Though, M/M, Mentioned Dark Sides, Not Happy, Past Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Past Relationship(s), Swearing, The Dark Sides Are A Gang, They Do Terrible Things, a bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-29 15:55:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19403587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Very_Anxious_Bean/pseuds/Very_Anxious_Bean
Summary: The Dark Sides are a gang and they're rumoured to have done most of the terrible crimes in town. Virgil used to be one of them and he used to date one of them, he isn't proud of it. Then Roman reads a message from a member of the gang and Virgil is barely able to get away with it.Virgil at leastthoughthe got away with it, but it turns out his hopes were crushed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Read the tags for warnings please! Not major things (for me) but I want y'all to be careful.
> 
> Deceit goes by Dee in this.

Virgil had not expected for his day to go like this. He thought it would be an okay day; he didn't wake up overly anxious, Roman wasn't being an asshole so far, and nothing terrible happened. 

Well, life had decided to go "Nah, let's fuck up this kids' life!" and turned his day from 'okay' to 'now I wanna die'. 

What happened was Virgil went to get a glass of water and he left his phone on the arm of the couch. It was supposed to be a quick short trip but then he got into a discussion with Logan. That was fine, Logan was just thanking Virgil for playing chess with him the other day and was curious if he wanted to have a rematch later on. Virgil said yes and they went their separate ways in the house they all lived in. 

Virgil's anxiety soared as soon as he saw Roman reading something on _Virgil's_ phone with a grim expression. 

"What are you doing?" Virgil asked, frowning at the other.

"What does this person mean by 'when are you coming back to the DS'?" Roman asked. 

"Nothing," Virgil snapped. He took his phone back and tried to walk away from Roman but Roman followed him.

"Who was it from, Virgil?" 

"No one!" Virgil said, "Why are you following me?"

"It wasn't from no one, Virgil! It wasn't an unknown or blocked number, it's someone you know!"

"You don't need to know, Roman."

Roman grabbed the back of Virgil's hoodie, making him stop. "At least tell me what the DS stood for!"

"And why exactly do you need to know?" 

"Because!"

Virgil deadpanned at Roman, "Defense Science, obviously."

Roman blinked, a skeptic look glimmering in his golden eyes, "That's a military term."

"Congrats, you're not an airhead." Virgil muttered, trying to slip away from the taller man. 

Roman pursed his lips, eyes staring into Virgil's. "What does it _really_ stand for?"

"Defense Science."

"No, the _real_ meaning!" Roman frowned. 

"It is the real meaning," Virgil said, still struggling in Roman's hold, "I will kick you if you don't let me go."

Roman huffed, clearly amused, "What'll you hit? My ankle?"

Virgil glared at Roman before bringing his leg back and kicking Roman's knee. Roman yelped, letting go of Virgil and clutching his knee. 

"I warned you!" Virgil said over his shoulder, going and hiding in his room. He replied to the message: _Never._

Virgil ignored the rest of the messages from the person, trying to force the fact that the Dark Sides, the most deadly gang in town, was trying to get him to return out of his mind. 

After a few hours, Patton called the family down for dinner. Virgil and Roman argued about the hidden meanings in Disney tonight, Roman seemingly forgetting about earlier. Virgil finished his dinner, excusing himself after thanking Patton and snatching a bottle of wine from a cabinet.

Virgil curled up on his bed, sipping on the wine and scrolling through Tumblr again. He huffed when he got another message from the gang.

_Are you just ignoring all the things we did?_

Virgil continued ignoring the messages but he picked up when they called. "What the actual hell do you want?"

"Ah, you've drinking again." Dee said smoothly, "Wine or beer this time?"

"Fuck you too," Virgil said, taking another sip of wine.

"Wine," Dee guessed, "but that's not why I've called." 

"No shit, Sherlock. I know what you're calling for and the answer is no." 

"What a shame, I'm sure we could have fun burning a house down again. Or we could even have fun fucking~" 

"No, that's the past. We're moving on from that." Virgil hissed. 

Dee sighed but it was obviously fake disappointment, "Alright, just know that you'll never get rid of _our_ memories." 

Virgil scowled and hung up, tossing his phone onto a bean bag in the corner of the room. He finished the wine and set it on his bedside table before curling up on his side.

Later on, Patton quietly knocked on the door and entered when Virgil muttered a "Come in."

Patton glanced at the wine bottle before walking over to Virgil and sitting on the edge of his bed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Virgil didn't answer. 

Patton gently squeezed Virgil's shoulder, happy and somewhat concerned that Virgil didn't flinch, and took the wine bottle.

"Do you think a person's past defines them?" Virgil asked when Patton was in the doorway.

"No," Patton leaned on the door frame, "a person's past does not define who they are. Their actions and how they treat others defines who they are."

Virgil frowned, though Patton could not see it, "What if they used to do awful things?"

"What matters is if they have grown from their experiences, kiddo. For example, if someone used to rob stores and people's houses but they currently donate money to charities, they've grown from their experiences. They've become a better person and they aren't a terrible person, they should still be loved and cared for as long as they don't hurt others."

"What if they set houses on fire? Or if they were in a toxic relationship?"

"It's not that person's fault they were in a toxic relationship, and if they set houses on fire then... then that wasn't a good choice in their life but if they learned from their past then they have improved." Patton said, "What a person did in the past is in the past, what matters is how they currently act. If someone was in the Dark Sides gang-" Virgil flinched- "but they aren't anymore, they have grown to be a better person. Unless they still harm people."

Virgil muttered an okay and Patton took that as a cue to leave.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out Roman heard Virgil talk to someone on the phone and he doesn't leave the anxious man alone until he gets an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Profanity (swearing), arguing, crying, more alcohol (don't drink, kids)

Roman hadn't meant to overhear Virgil, he swears. He didn't mean to eavesdrop on Virgil's phone call (why had Virgil sound so frustrated?) or his and Patton's conversation. It just happened and now Roman was dying for an answer. 

He knew he shouldn't have dropped the mystery text yesterday. Roman had been suspicious, especially since he cared deeply for Virgil, and all he wanted was for Virgil to be safe. 

Roman had stayed in the kitchen for most of the day, knowing that when Virgil got up in the afternoon, he would make coffee. 

Roman frowned when he read the time on the microwave. _3:12 p.m._ This was two hours later than when Virgil usually got up. He was happy when Patton walked into the kitchen, wanting to bake brownies.

"Hey, padre," Roman said, "do you know why Virgil hasn't gotten up yet?"

Patton glanced at the time, "He's hungover and didn't want to get up. Don't worry, Princey, I've been checking on him." Patton gave him a smile.

Roman sighed softly, then he paused for a second, "Wait, he's hungover?"

"Mhm," Patton nodded as he pulled out bowls and other things he needed for brownies. "He had a bottle of wine last night, and then I think he got something else while everyone was asleep." 

"I didn't know he drank," Roman muttered, crossing his arms. 

Patton was practically crawling into a cupboard by now,trying to reach something in the back. "He hasn't drank for a while... I don't know what made him drink again but he'll talk about it when he wants to." 

Roman huffed. Patton was right, Virgil usually talked about his struggles when he knew he wouldn't fall into an anxiety attack. Keyword: usually. 

Patton was now completely in the cupboard, still trying to reach something. 

Roman smirked, "Pat, do you need help?"

Patton grinned at Roman, "Yeah." 

Roman chuckled and assisted Patton in getting another bowl and some other things that were stuck in the back corner of the cupboard. 

"Thanks, Ro!" Patton said, jumping off the counter, "Would you like to help me bake the brownies?"

Roman nodded and they made brownies. Logan was not impressed when they got flour all over the place, including the ceiling. No one had a clue on how they managed to manage that.

After making sure Patton didn't burn himself when they pulled out the brownies, everyone heard a loud thump from upstairs. Virgil came into the kitchen a few minutes later, rubbing his eyes.

"Decided to go with lighter makeup?" Roman asked, sitting on the counter while he licked the spoon despite Logan's protests. 

Virgil got a glass of water, "I'm not wearing any makeup."

Roman stared at Virgil. No makeup? That was a first, though Roman wasn't protesting. Virgil was very attractive- 

"Virgil! Do you want a brownie?" Patton asked, pointing a knife at the treats. 

"No, maybe later, Patton." Virgil said, raising an eyebrow at the knife.

"Alrighty, kiddo!" Patton grinned at Virgil and continued cutting the brownies. 

Virgil nodded, reaching into their fruit bowl and grabbing an apple. He was about to bite into it before his phone started ringing. Virgil pulled the device out of his pocket, glaring at the screen, and excused himself. 

After Virgil left, Roman left too. He knew Virgil went to his room for the call, he does it with all calls, so he sat on the stairs and strained his ears. He could hear Virgil's muffled voice and could make out some words. Roman sneaked closer to Virgil's room, now able to hear the conversation.

"I've told you, our relationship is in the past. I'm not going to crawl back to you, or the gang!" 

Roman's eyebrows drew together. Virgil had been part of a gang?

"Dee-" Roman's eyes widened- "you can go fuck yourself if you're that desperate. Hell, you can go have a real kinky fuck with Remus!" Virgil was slowly getting more upset by the minute. "Stop it. You know I've moved on from that gang's shit. I don't plan on coming back, ever. I'm not going to steal alcohol, or set a cabin on fire again."

Roman took a quiet, shaky breathe. Dee was the leader of the Dark Sides, the most deadly gang in their area. He prayed to god that Virgil was talking to someone else who goes by the same nickname.

"No, we were a toxic couple and we all did terrible things. I don't want to ruin anyone's life and I don't have any interests on destroying my organs." A pause. "Yes, I know how good I am at that bullshit, that doesn't mean I'm going to come running. If you call me again, especially with another threat, I'm going to land you in jail. You said it yourself, I'm good at this, so it'd be wise if you didn't even try."

There was a beep and a sigh. A thump and then Roman scrambled down the stairs. Roman paused in the living room before he turned back to the stairs and saw Virgil.

"Who were you talking to?" Roman asked.

Virgil looked at him, lips pursed. He sighed, "No one."

"I heard the name 'Dee'. Is it... did the Dark Sides gang call you?"

Virgil scowled, eyes showing his anxiety. "You _eavesdropped_?"

"Not on purpose!"

"It is none of your business." Virgil said, trying to walk back upstairs and avoid the others.

Roman rushed after him, latching onto his arm. "Yes it is! I heard most of it, and I heard the phone call from the other day. And you and Pat's conversation."

" _What_?!" Virgil hissed.

"Calm down, J-Delightful, I just want an answer."

"To what?"

"Were you a member of the Dark Sides?" Roman asked. 

Virgil didn't say anything, he only glared at the other, and Roman couldn't guess if that was a yes or no. Roman only wanted to know if he did those terrible things but he knew it was most likely true.

"Virgil, I heard that you stole alcohol and set a cabin on fire." Roman said. He was slowly getting more frustrated with Virgil, he wanted to know if Virgil had been lying to them for this whole time and _did_ ruin peoples lives. 

"Let me go."

Roman frowned at Virgil, "Were you a member of _the worst_ gang?"

"Use your damn brain and take a fucking guess," Virgil spat. "If you don't let go of me, I'll kick you again!"

Roman stared at Virgil's face before he felt his heart sink, "You were one of them." 

Virgil tried to shake Roman off, but Roman only held on tighter. 

"Virgil, you've been lying to us? You ruined peoples lives and you didn't turn anyone in? You could've reported the gang by now!" Roman said, slowly getting more mad. "What did they do to make you leave? Were they not terrible enough for you?!"

Virgil glared at Roman and kicked him in the knee again. "Shut up, Roman!"

Roman winced, he's trying to _help_ and understand, why can't Virgil understand that?! "Why did you leave? Or not report them, Virgil?!"

"You don't know my past, Roman! Back off!"

"Just-"

"Roman, stop it!!" Virgil shouted.

"I-"

Virgil started storming away from Roman, "You wouldn't understand!!" 

Roman growled and ignored the footsteps getting closer. "Well, if I won't understand-"

"You won't!!"

"THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO BACK TO THEM AND FUCK OFF, VIRGIL?!" Roman yelled with a red face.

It was deadly quiet.

"Roman," Patton said, "I am disappointed in you. You don't just tell someone to go back to something terrible!"

Roman whirled around, "It's not my fault! It's Virgil's fault, just like usual! Why did I even listen to you about being friends with him?!"

Logan frowned at Roman, "Roman-"

"No, I _knew_ I had a good reason to not like Virgil! He's a Dark Side-"

" _Used to be_ a part of the gang," Logan corrected. "Virgil no longer participates in their actions and- He's missing." 

Roman looked over his shoulder and Logan was right, Virgil had slipped away while they fought. His bedroom door was cracked open, and it never was when he was in there. 

"Oh shit," Roman whispered. 

"Oh my god," Patton said. "Where could he be? Oh my god-"

"Patton, calm down. He is most likely nearby." Logan said, "We should try getting into contact with him."

Virgil saw his opportunity to slip away when Roman started a mini fight with Patton and Logan. He slipped out through his room's window, not bothering to close the door, and walked to a nearby bar. Yes, he was of legal age to drink but that didn't matter as he could always steal some if we was underage.

He stepped in and immediately ordered vodka after showing the bartender his ID. 

"Bad day?" the bartender asked, giving Virgil his drink. 

Virgil nodded, downing his drink. The bartender gave him another and went on to serve others.

After a few hours (at least, Virgil thinks it's been that long. He isn't sure), Virgil payed for his drinks and left. 

When he returned home, he was immediately greeted with a crying Patton.

"Where- where did you g-go?" Patton asked, still crying and clinging to the other.

"To the bar?" Virgil muttered, looking at Logan. 

"Patton was not aware of your whereabouts and you did not answer his text messages, so he started panicking." Logan informed Virgil.

"Oh," he muttered, "I'm sorry, Pat."

Patton nodded and buried his face into the side of Virgil's neck. Virgil felt guilty (and tipsy), so he moved the both of them to the couch. Logan sat next to Virgil, which he did not do often, and quietly asked if he could lean against Virgil's side. Virgil said yes and Logan leaned against him gently. 

After an hour, and after it turned into a small cuddle pile, Roman entered the house. He glanced at Virgil, relief washing over his face, before looked away and went to the kitchen.

When Patton fell asleep, Virgil went to put him in his room and muttered a goodnight to Logan. Virgil laid Patton on his bed, putting the blankets over the smaller male, and returned to his own room.

The next day, when he dragged himself down to the kitchen for some pain medicine for his hangover, he overheard a conversation between Roman and Patton.

"Roman, it's not his fault. You need to apologise to him and make it up to him. Please!" 

Roman huffed and Virgil could see him cross his arms. "I'm not even going to look at Virgil, much less _apologise_."

Patton frowned. "Roman, this is unreasonable! You're judging him for what's in the past."

"He lied to us, he said he didn't do anything that should invoke legal action and he was a member of the Dark Sides."

"He _was_ , past tense, Roman."

"It doesn't matter, he's a terrible person."

Virgil quietly returned to his room, trying not to let the tears fall until he reached the comfort of his bed. 

And it was true, Roman was right. He was a terrible person, he ruined peoples lives, including his own. They avoided each other for months, only talking to each other if it was necessary, and it was just like when they first met. They fought most of the time and Roman had a hard time finding a chance to apologise.

It turns out that Virgil wouldn't accept the apology for half a year, even when Roman tried to not fight him all the time. But even when Virgil accepted the apology, he couldn't get Roman's words out of his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Chaoticgoodloki for giving me an idea on how to continue this because I really did want to continue this, I just couldn't figure it out at first.


End file.
